Pivotal People

From Tragedy to Triumph: Rebecca Rothman's Foster Care Story

August 30, 2023 Stephanie Nelson Season 2 Episode 60
Pivotal People
From Tragedy to Triumph: Rebecca Rothman's Foster Care Story
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

We're inviting you to journey with us, alongside our guest Rebecca Rothman, director of donor relations at Faith Bridge Foster Care, as she unpacks her incredibly inspiring life story. Abandoned at birth, adopted, and now a beacon of hope in the foster care system, Rebecca's tale is not one to miss. Through sharing her personal experience, she illuminates the hardships and triumphs of fostering and adoption, and how they shaped her faith and purpose in life. Her upcoming book, "Abandoned for God", promises to be an intimate chronicle of her journey to healing and finding her divine calling.

The second part of our discussion takes a deeper look into the pressing issues and challenges within the foster care system. With her first-hand insight, Rebecca paints a vivid picture of the potential trauma children in the system face and how we can actively contribute to changing their lives for the better. We conclude this enlightening conversation by delving into Faith Bridge Foster Care's innovative programs and introducing their newest initiative — the Youth Opportunities Program. A must-listen episode filled with touching stories, life-changing insights, and how you can make a difference in the lives of vulnerable children. Let's embark on this journey together.

Contact Rebecca here:
https://faithbridgefostercare.org/

https://www.instagram.com/rtrinklerothman/

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Speaker 1:

Well, I would like to welcome Rebecca Rothman to the Pivotal People podcast, and the reason Rebecca is here today is because last year, I went to an event for Faith Bridge Foster Care. It's a nonprofit organization in Georgia, where I live. They help foster families and foster kids in a number of ways. Anyway, I was absolutely completely blown away by this organization. They shared metrics, they shared data, they shared real people stories and I left with a desire to somehow get involved. And I followed up and I met Rebecca. So Rebecca Rothman is the director of donor relations for this nonprofit, faith Bridge Foster Care. What's interesting is Rebecca is an adoptee herself. She's also an adoptive mom and a foster parent, so she has a unique perspective on child welfare, and she's also worked with orphans locally and abroad for over a decade, regularly going to developing countries to provide care and also to learn more about the issues involved. So I just want to thank you, rebecca, for being willing to come on and share your perspective and experience with everyone who's listening.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, stephanie. I'm so thankful for you having me on today. After listening to some of your other guests on your podcast, I'm so humbled and grateful to be here to share in this space with you about not only Faith Bridge but my story and about how we can all be a part of helping these vulnerable children.

Speaker 1:

And that, I think, is really eye-opening, because many people like me, might be aware of this issue but say you know, I just don't see how I could be a foster parent at this point in my life.

Speaker 1:

And the good news is there are really a lot of different ways that you can get involved and support this issue without actually being a direct foster parent. But before we launch into that, what I found interesting is Rebecca is not only working at this full-time job, but she has been working on a book and the title of it is Abandoned for God, laying Down the Heartache of Loss, picking Up your Unique Purpose and Finding Holiness in God, which I think is so beautiful. And clearly this ties into your own story. So before we talk too much about the whole issue of foster care, I always say issues stop becoming issues when we realize they are people. So when we hear a person's story, it stops being an issue and we say, wow, how can I get involved? So would you mind sharing a little bit about what inspired you to write this book and your own personal story?

Speaker 2:

Of course I would love to do that. You know, I always tell people when they ask me, how did you get into foster care, how did you get into adoption? And I'm like it wasn't my choice.

Speaker 2:

I didn't choose to look for foster care and adoption. It chose me, or rather, god chose me for it. And so just to share a little bit about my background I was at birth abandoned by my biological mother, and at three years old I was then adopted. And today, at 37 years old, I'm still working on processing and healing from that loss, and this book, abandoned for Good, that I'm working on is really just that journey that God has taken me on those 37 years of processing and healing through that loss. And just to go back to parts of my story, I was raised by wonderful Christian parents who you know they cared for me in the best way that they knew how. But, like many vulnerable kids, I wasn't given the option of choosing how my story played out. And, if I'm being honest, most days, stephanie, I would not have chosen the story for myself, choosing how to trust in a heavenly father when the model I had was an earthly family who abandoned me. It's been tough, but over the years I've learned that God has entrusted this story to me and that's a lot of what the book is about, showing his purposes, and I'm determined to steward this story well. And so, about a decade ago.

Speaker 2:

To get into the reason I've become a part of ministries like this is that about a decade ago, god called me into a ministry through a fundraising position at a global child welfare organization, and so during that time, I dedicated my life to ensuring that these children were cared for through a variety of different programs, raising millions of dollars for foster children. A lot of it was behind the scenes meeting with donors, speaking events, writing, but then a pivotal day came when God asked me to not only use just these talents to help foster children, but to surrender my whole life for it, and it was going to cost me a lot more than my expertise ever did. It's hard to share the story succinctly because, as we all know, when God works these things out in our lives, there's so many intricate details throughout the years that sometimes get lost, and so that's why I've been writing down slowly all these things in my manuscript to be able to share later to help others. But so many situations and moments in those hidden places where I just knew he was preparing me for a purpose, and I'll do my best to keep this short and sweet.

Speaker 2:

So throughout my life, I suffered from some mental health disorders due to the trauma of losing my biological family. As part of that healing process, god led me to take a DNA test to search for my biological father. As you'll soon understand, the timing was all God. At the prompting of what could have only been him, I sent my control away with this 55 cent forever stamp to a federal correctional center and I was exposing myself in my story to a biological father who, really, I was risking being rejected again. But it was so clear that God had told me this is what you have to do, rebecca. So I said yes, and as a result of my reaching out to him, I found out I had a biological sister, soon after.

Speaker 2:

I met her I'll keep her name private, of course, for confidentiality reasons but I realized just how strikingly different our childhoods had been after meeting her. And my sister was raised by our biological father, who went away to federal prison when she was just a child, which thrust her into the foster care system. She was born in the same town as me. We look alike but we lived worlds apart. When I battled the internal demons of trauma and abandonment, my sister battled much more obvious, tangible ones, which we're going to talk about later what these kids who age out of foster care struggle with. And I realized that I could have been her. I could have been in her position. When I look in her eyes, it's as if looking into a mirror, seeing this warped reflection of who I could have been.

Speaker 2:

It was a very real way that God showed me what I was spared from. Honestly, wow, yes. So it gets even more, gets even more interesting after I met her. You know we're going to talk about the statistics, about these aging out, foster youth later on but she became homeless, addicted, pregnant, incarcerated Every single one of the statistics. She fit that picture perfect, and unfortunately that's the way it is for a lot of these kids.

Speaker 2:

And so, shortly after meeting my sister, she became pregnant again and, to my surprise, after having the honor of witnessing the birth of my niece, she was placed in my arms and Gianna was born, substance exposed to multiple drugs, and I couldn't look away and it really hit me that I wasn't only grieving for my niece, but I was grieving for my own loss, because there were many parts of my story that paralleled my nieces. And so it was this whole clash of God just saying I need you to look at this, I need you to see this and I need you to know that, just like I'm here with Gianna right now, just like you feel my presence, I was also with you and it was a beautiful part.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that gives me goosebumps. Rebecca, that is so beautiful. Yes, thank you.

Speaker 2:

And I started to remember what I was unable to recall of my own beginning, and so that was really a great part of my healing process. But at the moment it didn't feel great. It felt like this grief and responsibility felt nearly unbearable, to be completely candid. And when Child Protective Services stepped in and removed my niece from my sister's care, I was it the only relative willing and capable to care for her, and I realized in that moment that this is why God had me find my biological father. If there was no other reason, it was because he needed me in that hospital room that day, and I'll never for a moment regret making that hard decision because of that. And so, you know, I had three of my own children at home that were small at the time, and so it was a very difficult choice to make, but I knew that this is what God wanted me to do, so I said yes, and it was. It was a time that God really stripped me of any cheap faith I held to, and this was going to cost.

Speaker 2:

It really did it was. It was difficult, but I had preached and for over a decade caring for the orphan, caring for vulnerable children, raising money for it, I had to put you know, I had to put this to work. And so over the following four years, I fought a system that lacked in so many different ways. I think I realized, after working in the field for so long, that generally a government system set up to care for families is just bound to be dark and messy and broken. But it was really all of that and worse, and I was exposed to the inadequacy of the child welfare system that lacked resources. They lacked expertise, staff and really just justice in general. And through that process, just this fire ignited me to be able to make a positive impact on those specific systems.

Speaker 2:

In order to do that, I needed to make sense of all God had been showing me over the years, and so, after praying, researching, reading, I came to this conclusion because I wanted to find a root cause. I wanted, I wanted to get to the bottom of what is the cause so that we can find a solution to this. And that seems so big, but you have to start somewhere. So, after praying and researching, I came to the conclusion that the root cause of this problem is generational trauma, and my sister was a product of her childhood, like so many of these youths who succumbed to these statistics. If my sister had had the supports in place that Faithbridge is providing to these aging out foster youth, her outcomes would likely be entirely different. Wow, yeah, and unfortunately she was unable to reunify with her daughter After three long years of fighting the court system for my niece's best interest.

Speaker 2:

My niece officially became our daughter last year, and so what's really neat about this story and how God has worked is that he's given me a lens into pretty much every angle of the system, and in some ways I don't love that and because it is dark and messy and broken, but in other ways, I'm grateful for it because I'm able to see from different perspectives, and my daughter and I now have this opportunity to break those generational cycles together, and that's been such a beautiful thing to heal and to infuse our lives with God and him showing us how he is our Heavenly Father and how we are to move forward from this, and that we can help other people throughout that. Oh my gosh, Wow.

Speaker 1:

So okay, I have so many questions for you, but I just have to start by saying thank you so much for sharing that with us.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely I have.

Speaker 1:

When I first met you and you gave me a top line of that story, I knew there was just something so beautiful there. But I just appreciate your honesty and sharing not only the beauty of it but the sacrifice Love, how you said. I mean, how many of us do Bible studies and pray every day and have the comfort and convenience of just being able to saturate ourselves with God's Word, but when it comes down to putting your faith in action, as you said, it can really cost you. And look at the beautiful future that you're giving your niece and what a parallel experience. I mean wow.

Speaker 1:

But here's something I'd like you to share, because I didn't realize this until I went to Faith Bridge's event. Now that we know we're talking about people, we're not talking about statistics, but the reality is, tell us how many of these people like we're just talking about the state of Georgia right now you might have national statistics how many foster kids are there and what are the big challenges? You said the system is so broken. But I mean, and how does an organization like Faith Bridge and there are many nonprofit, many faith-based organizations who are trying to support the government system of the foster care system so could you kind of give us an overall picture of what the numbers look like, and then let's launch into what you talked about, the aging out, which was all new information to me.

Speaker 2:

Sure, Stephanie, I'd love to do that. First, I want to share real quickly how I ended up at Faith Bridge, because I've only been with them about seven months and I have just fallen in love with this organization because, you know, I've worked for other child welfare organizations that have done worthy work, but God's hand of favor is truly on this organization and the people that have dedicated their lives to caring for these kids, and it was actually it kind of ties into my story. But I ended up at Faith Bridge in this ironic chain of events. I got a phone call last year from a recruiter from out of state asking if I'd be willing to interview for a position in Alpharetta, Georgia and just outside of Atlanta, and it was over 400 miles away from my house, but only five miles down the street from where my biological family lived. And in that moment I knew okay, God, you're up to something else now. So I would love to join this team because not only am I able to make a deeper impact on foster care, but I'm also able to spend time with my family at the same time. So that was a really neat way to be able to join the team at Faith Bridge and I've loved every moment since I've been there.

Speaker 2:

Faith Bridge is such a great organization and, like you said, Stephanie, there are so many great needs it almost seems insurmountable. Where do we start? What do we do to change the trajectory of not only the child welfare system but all of the children involved in it? And there's tremendous needs and issues plaguing the foster care system, obviously in Georgia, but also nationally and even internationally. In terms of the needs, there are just so many, but you can kind of break them out into those urgent critical needs but also those long term challenges within the foster care system. So I would say the number one urgent need is more licensed foster homes to place children into. To give you an idea of the lack of what we call open beds, Currently in Georgia there are around 11,600 children in care with only 5,400 homes currently available. So you see the discrepancy between those two numbers. And of the children in care, around 500 will age out of the system this year without being adopted or finding permanent guardians, and we see similar statistics on a national level as well.

Speaker 2:

You know, the lack of available families and beds leads to children sleeping in caseworker offices. I've witnessed it myself. It's probably the saddest thing I've ever seen. And then also lately they've been using a practice that they call hotelling, which is these children living in hotels with government workers overseeing them, which is no way for a child to live, and this is due to a lack of resources. It's due to a lack of personnel, expertise, funding. You know the state run system, which in Georgia is called defects, but they're primarily dedicated to providing just the basic necessities. So you have things like housing, food, clothing, education.

Speaker 2:

Those peripheral needs, like emotional, spiritual, mental needs, are not well attended to by the state run systems, and so that is one big need.

Speaker 2:

Another need when considering the long term challenges of foster care, the poor outcomes can usually be attributed to that trauma and, as you can imagine, these kids have seen so much, They've experienced so much in their short lives, from witnessing domestic violence to parental addiction, to sexual and physical abuse.

Speaker 2:

These all have long-term effects on children and, as a consequence of this trauma, also heightened mental health needs. And many foster parents Stephanie aren't equipped for that so they might know how to raise their own biological children. But children who have been through these traumatic events have special sets of needs that require expertise, they require training, and so this also causes disruption of placement, which we'll talk about in a minute and statistics of how Faith Bridge has overcome that and become really successful at not allowing our children to move frequently, which helps them reduce their trauma. Disrupting a child from home to home it doesn't do anything for their sense of permanency and stability. It actually really is detrimental to them. So if I had to bring the needs down to those two main points, it's that lack of housing and resources and then the inability to address the trauma that children have faced.

Speaker 1:

So when I attended your presentation, here's what hit me hard, you know, was the statistics, the, what I would call the positive outcomes, and comparing, like, if an organization like Faith Bridge comes in, you are providing counseling, you're providing training for the foster parents, you're providing counselors, counseling services for the kids, and you're working to do two things. One is I didn't realize, so the possible outcomes for a foster child is, first, that they would somehow be reunited with their families. So Faith Bridge also provided counseling for the biological parents to help them through their stuff. Secondly, what I heard was another outcome is that they would be adopted. So those are two positive outcomes. And then the third outcome might be, as what you just described, that they would age out with no support and, for definition, that's age 18 in Georgia, although I think there's a law that might be going into effect to make that 21.

Speaker 2:

Is that true? It could be coming. It hasn't been a final idea. Now some children will choose to stay until they're 19, a long-term solution, but it's not truly a solution, as it's only one extra year.

Speaker 1:

Right. So organizations like Faith Bridge are made up of people who care, right. So what I was fascinated by is that the leaders of Faith Bridge and volunteers of Faith Bridge are lobbying legislators in Georgia and one of the representatives said, wow, we have never had a lobbyist for the foster care system. So when you talk about how can I get involved as an individual, you don't have to be anything. You could be a passionate volunteer who happened to have experience in some other arena. That makes you really good at approaching people. You're maybe a great, fabulous people person. You could get to know a legislator. You could befriend them and educate them, just as I was educated in a 15-minute presentation.

Speaker 1:

It changed my view. So I look at that and I think, wow, there are lots of things that people could do that could impact thousands of children, and not necessarily being a foster parent. But the other outcome, when you talked about the turnover rate of foster homes, so many of us have our own kids and we've had opportunities to move and we've said, wait, I don't want to disrupt the kids in school, we're going to just stay here. We all understand that trauma. So when kids in foster care switch homes, faith Bridge had a much lower turnover. Their foster homes had a much lower turnover than the average. So these are like soft statistics, but now you're thinking about moving your own kids. Wait, those are not soft, those are meaningful. These are not issues, these are people. And so you realize that these private organizations can do a lot to provide support for the biological family, because we're talking about generational trauma and that's the tough one. For the foster parents, because this is a whole new animal, and for the kids who need, desperately need, counseling. So it wasn't hard for me to write a check right after I saw that presentation.

Speaker 1:

I would encourage everyone to take a look at this issue, because it's not an issue. It's 11,600 kids in just my state alone, and who knows how many other people. So, okay, you're the one who's supposed to be sharing. I just think what you're doing is so amazing and wonderful, and I think a lot of us could. I want to get training, I want to go march down to the capital.

Speaker 1:

I'd like to meet with some of these folks. I mean, it makes so much sense to me and I think if we put these you know, this information, these numbers, this insight in front of people, it stops being an issue, their hearts will break. So what's really cool is that Faith Bridge is working on, you know, a lot of this is getting legislation changed. Yes, why are we kicking these kids out of foster care system at 18? My gosh, we've all had kids. Would you kick them out at 18? Were they ready for that? I don't think so. So, rebecca, could you tell us this is painful to hear Some of the typical outcomes for foster kids who are aging out of the system at 18.

Speaker 2:

And you know I can also share a little bit more about those positive results that Faith Bridge has seen as well. I'll start there and then I'll go into how we see it transition from that point. And so you know, I love how Faith Bridge has this comprehensive approach to serving foster youth and you spoke some to that. So if you think of it as a timeline, so from the moment a child is in need, we find a tangible home for them and a family for them to live in. Okay, so then we equip those foster families and biological families by providing that training through our online university, and then we also write child life histories, which they're required medical and historical documentation through the state. And that promotes permanency by allowing children to be adopted who are waiting. It's this all-encompassing model that focuses on the full healing of that child.

Speaker 2:

As a result of these well-executed programs, several things have happened. We've had stability and permanency for kids, trauma has been addressed and generational cycles are being broken, like you said, and speaking to the data you mentioned, I'll share a few of those with you. Youth in Faith Bridge homes actually experience 5.3 times less turnover than children placed in traditional foster homes, according to the state average. So if we simply put a child in a Faith Bridge home, we'll move one time, as opposed to a child outside of a Faith Bridge home, who will move over 5 times, and the trauma that that causes, like we spoke of before, is just incredible. In addition, our results show that children experience 34% shorter stays. This is thankfully due to, like you said, one of those options is reunification with their biological family, which is ultimately the goal, and that's what's really important. And what's really important is that the child's self-design is for us to stay with those who put us in that family for a purpose. So we want that to be the case. And then 95% of our children have a positive departure rate. 20% of our families serve kids with special needs, which is a whole other discussion, but it is just a tremendous need. And of the 2,000 children that we have served through Faith Bridge, we've seen over 1,000 reunifications, which is over 50%. What incredible. When I say that's incredible, believe me it's incredible. And then also 350 adoptions.

Speaker 2:

And so you spoke to addressing that trauma. We intentionally address the trauma these kids have faced. The root of most of those harmful behaviors and long-term outcomes that I'm going to talk about lies the child at trauma, and you know we acknowledge that as a typical parent, you're just not going to know how to deal with that. So, through our online university, there are videos from experts in psychiatry to pastors, to experienced foster parents who have been there and done that, and they can share their expertise with other parents. And so, although Faith Bridge has excelled over the years that carrying from these children from age 0 to 18, we realize there's a big gap that needed to be filled. So, as an extension of those programs, we're providing that final piece in the continuum of care for these kids by opening up an aging out program, and the Youth Opportunities Program is the name of it, and it will provide this full spectrum of care to vulnerable youth who reached that age 18, who have not been reunified with their family or relative and they have not been adopted.

Speaker 2:

So let me quickly tell you why we're launching this program because the statistics, like you said, are just astounding. Nationally, more than 19,000 youth leave foster care each year without reunifying with their parents or having been adopted. 19,000 kids who, at 18 years old which to me is just still a child are basically essentially told go grow up, you're on your own. And the statistics for the success of these youth is striking. Not surprisingly, they already experienced high rates of behavioral and health issues, but upon leaving care, 60% of these youth in the first year will become homeless, incarcerated, addicted or pregnant. And to be even more detailed, if you want to get down to it, you know one in five incarcerated between ages 17 to 21,. One in 10 report becoming a parent between ages 17 to 19, most of those children going into foster care. You know my gosh generational cycle of trauma, and so those statistics are just so sad to me because it doesn't have to be that way. So that's why Faithbridge has implemented this program to provide services and support to these kids.

Speaker 1:

And there's another piece that I read somewhere else, which is that, oh gosh, a high percentage of young people recruited into sex trafficking. Are these age out? Foster kids? Because what are their options?

Speaker 2:

Yes, and without sharing too many details, my sister had some involvement in that as well. It's horrible. I know there's a new movie, the Sound of Freedom, that has come out, but even before that I worked for an organization who provided a safe home for victims of child sex trafficking. So most of the children that we served at that organization had been in foster care at some point in their lives. The vulnerability of the kids that have been in foster care leads them to places that are so dark and so scary. So, yes, you're correct, I mean trafficking. They're very vulnerable to that.

Speaker 1:

And so 19,000 nationally. Okay, so let's turn the corner and tell me I loved this program. This is the program I'll be supporting. Tell me about Faithbridge's hopes and dreams for a program to support these kids.

Speaker 2:

Yes, wonderful. So earlier this year we launched the Youth Opportunity Program. The goal is to help youth have a chance at a healthy, successful future. We want to equip them because many of the these kids they have been taught no life skills, so anything that we would teach our own children how to do laundry, how to balance a checking account, how to go get a driver's license or sign up for financial aid for college or vocational school these skills are not taught sometimes and these kids go out into the world not being fully equipped to deal with life, because life is hard, even if you have a support system, even if you have a family that's loving. And so this program is so powerful because it's not only going to affect that one individual. It's going to affect generations to come, because we're going to be able to give them hope for a future. And we based that off of Jeremiah 2911, and where it says we're going to provide a hope and a future for you. And that's what, ultimately, what we want to do.

Speaker 2:

But if you want to get down into the specifics of what this program is going to offer, it's going to provide housing. It's going to provide employment, training, education, assistance, mentorship, which is a huge part of it. Each individual is going to have a life coach that's going to walk alongside them, that's going to be on call if they need anything and just be that guiding voice in their life that they can go to and say, like I would call my mom and say, hey, I need help with XYZ. Well, they don't have that, so in its place, we're going to have these life coaches in order to help them.

Speaker 2:

One great opportunity within this program is that they'll be able to enroll in a Georgia Technical College program that will be able to equip them with either a vocational trade or any other route they want to go on their career journey, which is so important because we want them to be able to be self sustaining and have a livable wage, because that is not something that they are likely to have without these kinds of supports. They'll also have access to a team of staff ready to help create individualized service plans that basically access a roadmap of goals allows them to strive during the time that they're in the program, and so they'll have clothing allowances, transportation, health services, mental health services, which is also very important. We just want to wrap around them, we want to love them, we want to care for them and really just help put them on a path towards that hope and future, so that they can they can live their life to the fullest and what God has for them.

Speaker 2:

And we're really excited about launching it. We have so much interest already in the application process of these kids and so we're really excited about scary and excited about launching into this because it hasn't been done much before. There's a huge void of care for this population and so we've been very prayerful and just really excited about what the future is going to look like for this program, the Youth Opportunity Program.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I love it and I'm going to teach them grocery shopping. I'm going to get my head around that because I think I'm a little biased. I'm just coop on mom to really help. That's part of life skills and obviously I just would love to be like, have my, you know, just dip a toe into your program because I just want to see it. It's so beautiful.

Speaker 2:

And love to have you, stephanie. That is such an incredible idea. I even want to come attend one of your classes.

Speaker 1:

I've been doing this for so long and I still think it's fun. So there you go, but I'm just so thankful if you could take some time, and I know that there are people who are listening who are saying, okay, wait, I want to learn more. So I will have all of Rebecca's contact information and Faithbridge's contact information in the show notes, but it's also, is it faithbridgeorg?

Speaker 2:

It is faithbridgefostercareorg.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Faithbridgefostercareorg will take you directly to their site. You can find Rebecca there. She's in charge of donor relations translation. You can send a check and it would make a difference. Okay, and so check that we would have tax deductible and it's well worth it. I've seen the statistics. Your money will be doing good work.

Speaker 2:

It will be multiplied. Thank you so much because you and your family have been such generous supporters of Faithbridge and I know many other worthy organizations. But we just want to thank you so much for your support and having us here to share more about what we do.

Speaker 1:

Oh, you're welcome and I look forward to following up. We'll follow up with you to share some stories of your successful graduates.

Speaker 2:

I would love that. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:

Stephanie, thank you.

Foster Care and Adoption Journey
Foster Care
Faith Bridge's Youth Opportunity Program Launch