What Is Alcohol Really Giving You? | Christy Osborne

Alcohol can be the most accepted coping tool in the room and the hardest one to question out loud. We sit down with Christy Osborne, author of Love Life Sober and a senior sobriety coach, to talk about what happens when drinking stops feeling “fun and normal” and starts feeling like a default setting you can’t turn off, even when your life looks fine from the outside.

We get honest about the social pressure to drink, the fear of being “boring” without it, and the weird push-pull of modern culture that celebrates wine everywhere while quietly warning us about alcohol’s impact on mental health, sleep, anxiety, and the brain. Christy shares her own turning point, including how grief and loss exposed the ways alcohol had become a counterfeit comfort, and why presence, connection, and joy can look completely different when you’re fully awake to your life.

We also dig into the practical side: the dopamine hit that lasts about 30 minutes, the habit loop that keeps you chasing more, and why so many women fall into self-medicating without realizing it, especially in mommy wine culture. Christy explains why you don’t need a permanent label to want change, how alcohol use disorder sits on a spectrum, and how her 40-day alcohol fast is designed so you “can’t fail” because every stumble can become a growth point and real data for healing.

If you’re sober curious, tired of negotiating with yourself every night, or looking for faith-based sobriety support that’s rooted in grace and clarity, this conversation will meet you right where you are. Subscribe for more conversations like this, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the biggest insight you’re taking with you.

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Transcript

Meet Christy Osborne

SPEAKER_02 0:24

I would like to welcome Christy Osborne to the Pivotal People podcast. And I'm really excited about this. We talked quite a bit before we started recording because she's written a wonderful book called Love Life Sober. And I've read it. And she has a great podcast called Love Life Sober. I've listened to lots of episodes. Let me tell you who she is. She was actually raised in Los Angeles, graduated from University of Southern California and Pepperdine University School of Law. After passing the California bar exam, which couldn't have been easy, she relocated to London with her husband and family, and she assumed roles in law, public relations, and business development. So she has a wide range of experience. She actually worked in the UK Parliament. She founded a popular website. And today she has found her true calling when she chose sobriety. And she discovered her passion for helping other women with their own journeys. She's a highly trained senior sobriety coach. I didn't even know there was such a thing. What an incredible resource. She empowers women in the US and the United Kingdom to redefine their relationships with alcohol. She lives with her husband and two children in Sussex now. So in England. So she agreed to, despite the time zone difference, to do a podcast with us to share her story. And I'm just going to tell you quickly, I told her before we started, that I'm fascinated by her book. I mean, her book is so raw and so honest, and we can all relate to it, whether alcohol is your thing or not, or another vice, it's the same pattern. My husband and I just had a three-day drive across the country, and I was reading the book on the drive, which meant I was reading it out loud to him all the time. Christy was so honest about her story, which is how we're going to start today, that when I read that, my husband said, Wow, that's a person I would trust to be my coach because she has been there and she knows what it's about. So that's Christy. Thank you so much, Christy, for being with us today. I'm really looking forward to hearing more.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Thank you. I love that so much. That's such a beautiful encouragement. And I'll take it. I really appreciate it. And it's such an honor to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Well, you're welcome. Thanks for being here. I think that one of the things that struck me about the book is and in my life is drinking alcohol is such a social thing. I mean, it's everywhere. It is so normalized. It is so encouraged. And I told Christy, I'm not a big drinker. And that is actually harder. People question it. They're like, why aren't you? You know. And at the same time, we're being told by health and wellness experts how toxic

Alcohol’s Social Pressure And The Push-Pull

SPEAKER_02 3:19

alcohol is. So it's kind of this push-pull we get, but why don't you drink? But you should drink, but you shouldn't drink, but you should. So, Christy, tell us your mission and give us a little bit of your story to get started.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Yeah, well, my mission really is for the woman who is struggling with this to help them know that they're not alone, especially if they love the Lord and they feel like they can't talk about this with anybody, that there are other women that are struggling with this for the reasons that you just mentioned, because it's so pushed on us, so prevalent in our society. The reason that this became my calling and my purpose and my mission is because I struggled with it. As I look back kind of over the course of my drinking career, I can see that I was using it for various things, whether that was like in law school as a coping tool for stress or moving across the Atlantic for social connection and belonging, for being a brand new mom, coping with kids and for with little babies, right? And needing that, that needing, I'm air quoting here,

Grief, Numbing, And Choosing Sobriety

SPEAKER_00 4:28

um, needing that reward and that me time, thinking that wine was giving me that. And it all kind of came to a head, so to speak, when I lost my own mom from alcohol in 2018, did not know how to cope with that and turned to alcohol, which is ironic because she ended up passing away from drinking too much, which was something that didn't happen growing up. And so it was a real shock because she didn't start drinking until I was an adult and married. And so it was really confusing, and I had so many different emotions when she passed that I didn't know how to handle and I didn't want to feel. And so I was using alcohol to numb. And it was literally two years to the day of her passing, and I woke up and I just didn't recognize myself anymore. And the website that you mentioned when you were reading my bio was actually a really popular blog for American expat women. And so I had become an expert with making everything look really pretty and glossy, especially holding a glass of champagne or rose on Instagram. And I was looking through my phone and I just thought, gosh, this is so not real. I am broken and I'm depressed and I'm sad. And I am not showing up for my family, my two little kids at the time, the way that I wanted to. I'm not showing up for my husband the way that I want to. And I knew that I needed to turn to Jesus and I knew that the first thing that I needed to look at was my relationship with alcohol. I did not walk into the bathroom mirror and cry out this prayer, knowing where he was going to take me. And I certainly didn't think it was going to be a, you know, quote unquote forever thing. I just knew I needed a break. And then we took it and ran with it. And he's just led me into the coolest places to get to speak to gals who are struggling with this too and are using it for things that truly, truly only Jesus can provide. And I just got off a coaching call before hopping on with you. And, you know, one of the gals was mentioning, I just don't know what it is that I need. And she said, Oh, maybe it's, maybe it's comfort. And I was like, and who is the source of our comfort? Right? Like we use the alcohol for so many different reasons, whether it is a rest, situation, reward, connection, boredom, all of these things that our heavenly father can fill. We just don't have the practice of doing that. And he comes alongside and he partners with us to teach us how that looks. And so it's just the coolest thing. It's the coolest thing that I get to do. I'm so, so blessed. And yeah, that's kind of a 30,000-foot overview of how I got here.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Can you tell us a little bit, Christy, about what your kind of before and after experience was? You talk a lot in the book about how kind of fear. There's so many fears we have about giving up drinking. Not just what will people think, but is it gonna be any fun to go to a party? I mean, first of all, I think I'm, you know, people, I'm not saying me, I'm saying it. People might say, you know, I'm fun, I'm entertaining, I'm the one telling the jokes. Everyone likes me. Now I'm gonna be boring. Or how can I go to a party where everyone's drinking and having fun and I'm not? So you talk about kind of your before. Could you talk a little bit about your before social mode and then kind of how you would describe what you discovered and how you feel and the benefits you've experienced after?

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Yeah, I had so many fears going into this. And one of them was that I wasn't going to be any fun anymore. Our house in London was the party house. I was the hostess with the most, all of the things. And I didn't know what that would look like without alcohol involved. I talk in the book about standing in the shower and literally listing my girlfriends

Fear Of Being Boring Without Drinks

SPEAKER_00 8:29

name by name, thinking of the ones that would probably still want to hang out with me and the ones that probably wouldn't when I stopped drinking or when I told them that I wasn't going to drink anymore. And I would just love to say to the woman who has the same fear that yes, it's uncomfortable in the beginning, but it's uncomfortable because it's new. And for a lot of reasons, like we, you know, a lot of things that we're end up taught on this relationship with alcohol kind of journey is because we don't know how to do them because they're new and foreign to us. And so going to the first dinner party or the first wedding or the first thing where you feel like you have to turn on and be fun feels a little funky in the beginning when you're not, you know, relying on this chemical that gives you this massive dopamine hit. And so there's a learning curve there. There definitely is a learning curve there. But what happens when you dish the alcohol and you rely on your normal God-given dopamine production to come back online? You find the joy in the everyday in a different way, which is more sustainable. And the fun comes like God gives give each and every one of us these unique and beautiful personalities. And that comes out in a completely different way when you're not drinking and not relying on this foreign substance. And the connection is so much better, right? Like in these instances that we're talking about going to a party, it's completely different for me now because I really can connect. I remember obviously what I've spoken about, but I can show up in a different way and like, Lord willing, be the light of Jesus because I'm fully present. So it's different, but it's so much better. It's different because we're used to a different kind of what the world is telling us fun should look like, right? But Romans 12, too, we are not supposed to conform to what everybody else in the world is doing. We are supposed to look different. And this gives us a beautiful opportunity to do that.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

And you feel better when you wake up in the morning and you talked about being able to sleep better, your skin looks better. I mean, there are so many. But the real challenge is, oh no, my life isn't gonna be fun anymore. One of the things I loved about this book does a really good job, I think, of educating all of us on not just how we got here, but people might say, Well, wait a second, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not gonna go to AA. If people are hearing this and thinking, you know what, maybe alcohol has become kind of my master, or maybe it's just become more of a habit than I want it to be, but I'm not gonna go and call myself an alcoholic. I really appreciate the current teaching, the current learning I'm getting from experts like you is that there are different models of drinking, there are different reasons people drink. Alcohol is a highly addictive substance for anybody. And so we can

Beyond The Alcoholic Label

SPEAKER_02 11:29

face this issue without being afraid of being labeled eternally with a something we can't shake off. So we chatted before we started, there are three different models. And I think before we get into this, if you could explain that, maybe it'll be easier for listeners to see themselves in one of them without feeling like they're getting a life sentence.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Yeah, the models are really important. And the the underlying thing that I want gals to take from this is that you have so much choice, right? You have so much choice. And I think that traditional recovery, secular traditional recovery methods very much lean into this idea of the disease model where this is a disease. For some women, that's really empowering. And they think, you know what, that gives me the ability to say that I'm allergic to this substance or I cannot physically have this substance. And if that empowers you, amazing. For me and every single woman I've coached, that's not empowering because we don't want to be labeled with a disease. We don't want to be labeled with something, you know, this idol, this sin, whatever you want to call it for the rest of our lives, because what the only label we really need is that we are a daughter of the king, right? That we're a child of God. And so this chapter in the book lays out these other, you know, learning models that basically show us how we get stuck, how we got stuck, right? And that is for through self-medication or learning to drink. Like there's a lot in the book about how the habit loop forms, how we are chasing this dopamine. And so just understanding how your brain and body truly works and how you get your how we can all get addicted to this addictive substance, I think is so, so helpful. But there isn't a blood test. There is just not that you can go and get that says, oh yeah, I'm an alcoholic or I'm not, right? It is completely subjective. And I have spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of women at this point who have gone to their doctors and had wildly, or pastors, you know, and had wildly different experiences. Some, you know, new moms knowing that they wanted to lay this down, leaning on alcohol because they've got little kids at home, being told, like, no, you're okay, you know, probably having a half bottle or a bottle of wine is normal. And then, you know, same set of facts going to the same doctor saying you need to go straight to AA and you have a disease. And so I just want women to know that God made your brains and your bodies so intentionally. There is a reason that you're hooked on this, but it doesn't mean that you have a disease. It just doesn't. And there's a lot of freedom there. There's so much freedom there because you don't have to use a label. A lot of the gals that I speak to are kind of in this gray area where they have felt the call of the Holy Spirit. They know they need to lay this down, but they also would never walk into a traditional AA meeting, so to speak, and feel comfortable because maybe their drinking isn't, quote, bad enough. So there's also a really good part of the book that talks about the alcohol use disorder spectrum. This is a spectrum. And so that's also really important to understand, too, right? Like you can be struggling with alcohol and not be a rock bottom drinker. You could be kind of stuck in this area of just like, I've even coached women who only drink twice a week, but they know in their heart that the Lord is asking them to lay this down. And so for them, they're trying to turn to Jesus in those moments where the alcohol is coming as opposed to, you know, the wine. And so it is a spectrum. So where if you're listening to this and you're just like, my drinking's not bad enough, or it's really, really bad, there's encouragement for you here.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

That's so helpful. And what about the idea of coping using alcohol as a what did we call it? Self-medicating. The idea you said like coping with little kids or coping with that's also socialized. It's like one of the things to talk a lot about, and I'm a little bit I'm older than you, so I don't, you know, I wasn't a young mom with social media. But the mommy wine culture is something you talk about. And I thought she is right. You go into a gift shop and there's so many like tea towels that are hilarious but are about drinking, or coasters about drinking, you know. I keep making protein shakes, but they keep coming out as margaritas, you know. And you're kind of like weird if you don't want to go get margaritas on Sinco de Maya. That's the what you would call, I think, the learning. That's the socialized. This is normal. Then the other one you talk about is self-medicating. But I have had, you know, loved ones who've struggled with alcohol who went to rehab and said, the thing about rehab was that at a very early age, they told me I was an alcoholic. And the feeling he had was this is a disease that defines me. And you know what?

Mommy Wine Culture And Dopamine Truths

SPEAKER_02 16:29

It's so hard. Now that I know it's part of me, I'm not even gonna try. I'm not even gonna try to fight it. If someone had said, no, it's a hat you can put on and off. It's I love what you said, we all have choice. That would have been so much more empowering for that young person, I think.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Yeah, 100%, 100%. And there are people like obviously this becomes this can get to a point where you are physically addicted, right? And there are people that need a medical detox. And this is a very serious drug that I mean, I have researched so much on this that if alcohol would come to market today would be illegal, like any of the illicit, you know, class A drugs that are illegal because of what it does to our brains and bodies. We don't want to hear it, but it's true, and so there is just so much power and encouragement though, when you understand why and how that is, and that you do have a choice and that we all drink for reasons and then finding healthier reasons. And there's so much encouragement in the book. But going back to the mommy wine culture thing for a second, I mean, I remember going to my brother's soccer games when I was little, and it wasn't like a cool, you know, flex to be having vodka or rose in the tumblers on the soccer field. And now you have women on Instagram showing how you can make your Yeti tumbler or your Stanley or whatever it is, fill it with wine or make a cocktail and hang half of a tea bag out of it. So the other moms think you're having tea, but showing how you can like do, you know, deceive people on the sidelines of your kids' soccer games. I don't know who's driving home in that instance, but like the mommy wine culture thing is wild. It came, it got crazy during COVID. All you just had to go on social media to see how women were using it to cope during that time. But again, it's just it's a counterfeit comfort. It's a counterfeit in every way, including self-medicating, because that dopamine hit is 30 minutes. And I talk about this in the book. You get that feel-good feeling for 30 minutes and then it is gone, and then you are chasing it the rest of the night. It can physiologically not be replicated. But we think, because our prefrontal cortex is shut off basically at that point, that we can chase that feel-good feeling, but we just can't. God designed our brains and our bodies to be in that homeostasis space. And so understanding all of this, I just got to the point where I'm like, wow, this makes so much sense why I was drinking. It makes so much sense why I was using this as a coping tool. But it makes so much more sense the way that God designed our bodies to rely on him or actual rest, right? Or actual, you know, actual sustenance or connection or whatever we are seeking.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

Let's talk about your book specifically, because someone listening to this might be saying, you ask a couple questions, like someone might be saying, Well, I don't know if I have a problem. It's not for anyone else to define if we have a problem. This is what you get across. It's for each of us to examine our own situation and ask ourselves the questions. So, three questions that you talk about when we're trying to understand our desire to drink. One, what is the benefit I see in drinking? That's a good question. Just ask ourselves, what's the benefit? Two, what do I usually want to get out of

Three Questions To Spot The “Job”

SPEAKER_02 20:03

drinking? And what's the job I'm assigning to alcohol? We've all not I shouldn't say we've all, many of us have been in the position of thinking you had a really fun night, and then you wake up and you feel terrible, and now half your day is wasted, and maybe you're a little crabby, and and as you said, maybe you don't remember what you said. Yeah. Maybe some damaging things have been said that you can never take back. There's all kinds of things. But those are questions we can just ask ourselves. And so someone listening to this might say, You use a couple of terms, Christy. You use people who are sober, who want to be sober, and then you use the term which I love, people who are sober curious. So you are welcoming people who are sober curious to read your book, to join your community. I love your book because it's not, you know, hard, you must quit drinking today. The title, the subtitle I should have included is Love Life Sober, a 40-day alcohol fast to rediscover your joy, improve your health, and renew your mind. So if someone said, Okay, you know what, I'll give that a shot. Maybe I'll do that for 40 days to see how it impacts their life. And if that's the attitude someone listening to is hearing, Christy, what would you say their next step is? What can your community offer? And how is the book structured to help people through that?

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Yeah. Well, the book is structured in a way where you can't fail because the number one concern and question I get, because I do coach through the book four times a year. The next one's coming up in October. The first question that we always deal with on our very first coaching call is I've been here before, I've failed. We have lots of repeat fasters. And so what I say to these gals is this isn't actually

The 40-Day Fast And Growth Points

SPEAKER_00 21:53

about quitting alcohol or staying sober for 40 days, even though that sounds totally wildly opposite. But it's actually about getting closer to Jesus and learning why you're drinking in the first place and seeing how he can fill that need instead. And so it is a 40 day alcohol fast, but there is so much encouragement in there if you have a drink along the way of how you can mine that instance for data so that you can grow. We call them growth points. And We just actually hopped off a June fast call before I got on with you. And we were going through some of the gals' growth points on this call of I didn't drink for two weeks or whatever it was. And then I had a drink, but I realized what I really needed in that moment was a nap, or what I really needed in that moment was to eat protein because my blood sugar was thrown off, you know, or what I really needed was connection. I was feeling alone. And so then you get to do it differently the next time. And so it is just full of so much grace because I know from from what we've learned, and this is true for dieting too, like we think we're supposed to like buckle up, white knuckle, willpower our way through, get through these days, and then we can prove to ourselves we don't have a problem, or then we're gonna be facing down the, you know, barrel, the barrel of forever. And that's not what this is at all. It's just it's a really grace-filled learning journey and an invitation to ask yourself what would life look like if you didn't turn to the alcohol in the afternoon or evenings and if you turn to Jesus instead. And so there is, again, so much grace in this fast and the growth and beauty that I get to see in coaching through it. I mean, women learning who they are in Christ for the first time, women overcoming intense grief and loss for the first time that they've been masking with alcohol for decades, the things that we get to learn and walk through is so incredibly special. So there's a there's a lot there.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Well, that's why I think the coaching piece is so helpful because you just hit on it. So many times if you're masking difficult things, grief, loneliness, loss with alcohol. The truth is when you stop drinking alcohol, you feel that stuff. And that's hard. And it's good to have a coach or a therapist to help you walk through that pain because you can't, it's always going to be there. I always say you have to go through the tunnel of grief sometimes. You can delay it as long as you want, but you have to go through it. And it would be so helpful to have a coach. What I loved in Chrissy's book and in a reproach was this idea. Like I'll give you an example. If you, and I'm not, I mean, the 12-step program is wonderful for so many people. I am not criticizing the 12-step program at all. But one of the aspects of that is that you count how many days you're sober and you are rewarded and you get chips. You know, you're sober for a day, you're sober for a month, you're sober for a year, and you get chips for that, and you're recognized in your group, and that's supportive. But if you were to have a drink on day 38, then you start over on day one. And what Christy is saying is we're not gonna call that a failure. You are not a failure, we're gonna call that a growth point. And guess what? You're gonna skip that day, but the next day will be day 39. If if counting matters to you, counting may not matter to you, but we're not going to throw away all that progress you made for 38 days. And as you said, we might just learn. And I'm, you know, you talk about, you know, I had a trying to give up sugar because that's bad. And so I'm reading your book, and okay, so I, you know, I had a growth point. I'm like, okay, you're not a failure, Stephanie. You're just discovering whether or not really you love ice cream enough to give up this thing. So anyway, back on back on the wagon. But it is, we are so judgmental of ourselves and we're so critical. And I think the neatest thing is I'm reading the book is what Christy keeps saying is our identity is, oh my gosh, God loves us just the way we are. There is nothing we can do to get him to love us more, and there is nothing we can do to get him to love us less. He loves us just the way we are. But I also like I've heard someone say, but he loves us too much to leave us that way. Yeah. I mean, being transformed and renewed, you know, don't conform anymore to the patterns of this world. It's okay if you're not the one drinking, you know, if that's okay with you, what what I heard Christy say, you kind of discover this wonderful personality that maybe you've been covering up all this time. Yeah. And and you've really been able to connect with people.

SPEAKER_00 26:59

Yeah. Yeah. It's so beautiful. Yes, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

So you have a new coaching cohort coming up, it sounds like, in October. If folks would like to be a part of your community or learn more after they've ordered the book and read it, of which it's available everywhere. How do they get involved? What are the steps?

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Yeah, so everything's on the website at lovelifesober.com. The community is up and running year round, and we have multiple connection calls a week, and we have masterclasses with amazing speakers in there. And

Community Support And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_00 27:33

then four times a year we run through the fast. The gals that opt in to do that, we go through the 40-day fast together and we have four coaching calls a week. So it's me and three other amazing Christian coaches, and it's just the best. We record them if you can't make them live, but we make them as varied of time zones as possible so that you can get that connection. And it's just beautiful. You have this like real-time accountability in a space off of Facebook and off of all social media. So you're in this like really cool platform where you can post when you're struggling and get prayers. And it's just beautiful. And I can't believe I get to watch like what God is doing in the lives of these women. It's just the best.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

I love that. Well, I appreciate you sharing this with us. And if people are gonna walk away, if there's one thing you would want the listeners to take away with them based on this conversation or based on your book, or maybe based on something we haven't touched on yet, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 28:39

The first is that you're not alone. And that if you feel like alcohol is something that you've been trying to lay down, you feel like you've been struggling this at this for a while, that you are not a failure, and that God has such a good plan for your alcohol story, but your whole life. And so just trusting him with it. We talk so much about surrender in our community and what that looks like. He will lead you and guide you and finding out why you're drinking, it's almost a reason that the Lord can fill instead in a better way. So that was like four things, not one.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

Well, four wonderful things in one. So, well, thank you so much, Christy. We will have all of her contact information in the show notes, but I think it's pretty easy to remember. Love lifesober.com. You're gonna find everything there. I look forward to having you back in the future.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Thank you so much. I loved this. This was so fun. Thank you.